Chapter 4: The Trip and “Eiei-oo”…
My First Trip
“Are Suzune and Rurina not going home? It’s already nine p.m.”
After seeing Hinamori off at the station and coming back, the two of them were still playing cards.
Even though it was already late, there was no sign they planned to leave.
If anything, it felt like they were getting more and more hyped.
Of course, Rurina wouldn’t get loud, so it was more of a quiet excitement…
“Well, yeah. I’m in the middle of a serious match with Rurina.”
[There’s a battle I can’t afford to lose here]
“I get that, but you’ll miss the train, you know?”
“Can we stay over? Since Rurina’s here too, I kinda wanna have a sleepover.”
[I want to stay over too (…I’ve always wanted to try having a sleepover with friends)]
“Even you, Rurina? What should I do…”
I folded my arms and racked my brain.
I’ve been sleep-deprived since yesterday, and now even Rurina’s joining in—can my heart even take it?
I mean, before that, I need the homeowner’s permission for a second night…
Thinking that, I glanced over at Saya.
When our eyes met, she grinned with a teasing smile.
“Hey, Ritsu. Things sure got interesting while I wasn’t looking, huh~?”
“You don’t know how I feel…”
“Ahaha! Don’t say that. Isn’t having girls on both sides a good thing? It’d be sadder if that kind of thing never happened at all.”
“You saying it somehow makes it sound more convincing.”
“Excuuuse me!? (I’ll kill you…)”
“Ow ow! You’re the one who brought it up!”
She ground her fist into my head, and I gave her a resentful look.
With a sigh of “No helping it, I guess,” my sister stepped in front of the two girls.
“Alright, you two. I don’t mind if you stay over, but make sure you have permission, okay?”
“I already got it since yesterday. I told my dad about Ritsu, and he gave the okay.”
“Hm? Is that so? Then it’s fine!”
“Wait a sec… I’m trusted that much?”
“Well, yeah. He looked kinda happy about it, too.”
“I feel like this might be some kind of misunderstanding… And what about you, Rurina?”
[I figured it’d be best] (…I’m ready for anything. I even brought emergency rations)
“Wow, you’re well-prepared…”
So she came planning to stay over from the start.
And emergency rations, seriously? That feels like a bit much… but I guess that’s just like Rurina.
As I was thinking that, my sister clapped her hands and said, “Ah, I forgot to mention something.”
“Hm? What is it?”
“About the sleepover—tomorrow’s not gonna work, okay?”
“Uh, do you have plans or something?”
“Yeah. My little brother and I are going on a trip starting tomorrow.”
At Saya’s words, I tilted my head in confusion.
I didn’t have any travel plans during Golden Week.
At least, that’s what I thought…
“Saya. This is the first I’ve heard about us going somewhere…”
“Ahaha, my bad, my bad. It just got decided earlier. Rejoice—we’re staying at a famous, long-established inn.”
“I can’t exactly rejoice over something I didn’t know about… Isn’t this a bit sudden?”
“Well, I wasn’t around during the day, right? I was supposed to go with someone else, but they can’t make it now. So, yeah.”
“You’re not canceling?”
“It’s the day before, so there’d be a cancellation fee. Plus, I’ve got stuff to do near the inn anyway—I was planning to go even without staying… it’s that season, after all.”
“Ah, I see…”
Saya gave a slight shrug, wearing a somewhat lonely expression.
I could guess what she meant, and I didn’t feel like asking anything more.
Then she gave me a solid smack on the back and flashed a bright, carefree grin.
“Well, that’s how it is! So I figured I might as well go with this foolish little brother of mine.”
“Don’t call me foolish…”
“Hahaha. It’ll be a nice change of pace, right?”
She acted like there was nothing to worry about…
I gave a wry smile and made my usual exasperated face.
“Just the two of us, huh… Sounds like a handful. You’ll probably drink yourself under the table again.”
“That's just part of the charm~”
“Haah. If that were enough to deal with it, I wouldn’t have such a hard time every time.”
“Kakkakka~. Well then, if you’re that worried—”
With a big laugh, she turned her gaze to Rurina and Suzune, who hadn’t quite kept up with the conversation.
And then she said:
“Since it’d be a waste of the room and it’s good for up to four people—how about it?”
“Whoa whoa, what are you even saying…”
“C’mon, you’re students, right? You should get to know each other better. (For students to have a real heart-to-heart, a special atmosphere helps. It’s the extraordinary settings that get people talking.)”
Her intentions were pretty transparent, and all I could do was give another strained smile.
I could tell she wanted us to think about things… but I also felt like she was trying to push me into something.
It was nice that she cared, but for someone like me, who hadn’t sorted out his feelings yet, this was the kind of suggestion that gave me a stomachache.
“Rurina, Suzune—don’t worry about it, okay? Just think of it as drunk nonsense.”
When I said that, Suzune quietly said, “I’m gonna make a call,” and stepped outside.
Rurina, on the other hand, showed me the same message as earlier—[I want to stay over too]—with a slight sparkle in her eyes.
…She’s totally ready to go. I guess there’s no turning this down.
Still, maybe having them with us wouldn’t be so bad—for Saya and for me, too.
That’s what I told myself.
“Oh, right. Kurusu, can I talk to you for a sec?”
Saying that, Saya took Rurina by the hand and led her out into the hallway.
They talked just far enough away that I couldn’t hear them, so she was probably saying things she didn’t want even Rurina’s inner voice to reach me.
Well, it’s not like I wanted to eavesdrop or anything… But if something’s up, I do want to help.
When Rurina came back, completely ignoring my concern,
She showed me a firm message—[I’m definitely going.] (Gotta get ready…)
From the look on her face, she seemed full of determination. I guess my worries were totally unnecessary.
After that, Suzune returned, visibly excited after getting her parents’ permission,
and just like that, the four of us were suddenly heading off on a trip.
*
“When you open the window, the wind feels so nice. This is the best~!”
Saya said cheerfully, humming a tune as she drove the car.
We were in the car with my sister driving, heading to our lodging.
I sat in the front passenger seat, while Rurina and Suzune were in the back.
From my perspective—since I can hear inner voices—their conversation felt a bit off at times, which made it a little amusing.
Still, they both seemed to be enjoying themselves, and even Suzune was in unusually high spirits.
But—
“…What are you smirking at me for?”
—when I turned around, she looked grumpy.
She was probably embarrassed that I saw her all giddy like that—something that didn’t really suit her usual demeanor.
I took a sip of water and let out a breath.
“Hmm? What’s wrong, little brother?”
“…Can’t you drive a little better?”
“Doesn’t seem like a problem to me~ We haven’t gotten lost or anything, right?”
“That’s not the issue here… haah.”
I sighed and looked out the window.
I thought I’d distract myself by watching the scenery go by, but it wasn’t helping much.
Ugh, my vision’s getting narrow…
[Are you okay?] (Ritsu, you look pale… I’m worried)
“I’m fine. No problem…”
“If there’s no problem, then maybe try looking a little less like you’re dying?”
The two of them looked at me with worry on their faces.
It’s not like I’m sick or anything.
I just… get carsick.
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always gotten motion sickness easily—boats, buses, anything like that.
And out of all of them, riding in a car with my sister driving was the worst. Especially on winding roads.
Her steering, braking, changes in speed… everything about it hits me hard.
At least Rurina and Suzune didn’t seem to be affected, which was a relief.
“Guess it can’t be helped. Let’s have you lie down in the back for now.”
“…I’m fine. If I’m not there, you’ll have trouble checking the map if you get lost, right?”
“I’ll do that, so don’t worry.”
“Suzune says that, but…”
“Just shut up already, sick boy. Sensei, can you pull over somewhere? We’re gonna swap seats… Rurina, is that okay?”
[No problem]
Saya pulled the car over to the shoulder, and Suzune and I switched places.
I lay down as best I could, covering my face with my hand.
The car wasn’t exactly spacious, so I couldn’t stretch out properly, but it was better than before.
(I wonder if Ritsu is okay… I’m worried…)
Peeking through the gap between my fingers, I saw Rurina watching me closely.
She probably thought showing a screen to someone who’s carsick wasn’t a good idea.
Without trying to write anything, she gently stroked my head.
“…Sorry for worrying you. I think I’ll get better if I just lie down for a while.”
(He’s acting tough again. The only thing I can do… is help him lie in a more comfortable position…)
With that, Rurina lifted my head and placed it on her lap.
“………………!?”
It was so sudden, my brain couldn’t keep up.
And then, in my ears—
(Ah! Rurina~ I-I want to… wait, no no. He really does look like he’s suffering…)
(Man, they’re really laying it on thick…)
Those were the thoughts I could hear drifting in.
I let out a wry smile, then turned my gaze upward to look at her as she watched over me.
“…Thanks.”
When I said that, Rurina shook her head, as if to say, “Don’t worry about it.”
Then once again, she gently began to stroke my head.
As I gradually started to settle down, drowsiness took its place, and I let myself sink into the comfort of her touch.
And just like that, I felt my consciousness gently drift away.
Hinamori-ya
"Wow. I heard it was old, but it's really pretty..."
After about an hour and a half in the car, that was the first thing I said when we arrived.
A sign reading "Hinamori-ya" hung above the entrance, and even from the outside, the place had a clear air of luxury.
According to my phone, it's a long-established inn with a 200-year history and a great reputation.
Maybe that's why both Suzune and Rurina looked overwhelmed—especially Rurina, who seemed even more restless than usual.
"This place ain't cheap, you know? The food's supposed to be amazing, and they’ve got hot springs, too!"
"Whoa!"
"There's even a footbath, so it's perfect for relaxing. You better be grateful to us adults."
"This is the first time I’ve felt grateful to you, Saya."
"Say what now, you little—"
Saya laughed and threw her arm around my shoulders, shaking me playfully.
We never go on trips together, so I guess that’s got her all excited.
Maybe that’s also why I’ve been feeling some pointed looks coming from behind now and then.
When I glanced over my shoulder, Suzune and Rurina were chatting.
"Hey, Rurina... do you think Ritsu might be a siscon?"
【Siscon?】 (Like... a sushi competition overseas? A sea-sushi comp kind of thing?)
"You're definitely thinking something weird again, huh?"
【Is that wrong?】
Well, their conversation isn’t exactly on the same page, but it kind of works.
We kept walking up the gentle slope, taking in the scenery as we went.
After a short walk, the entrance came into view, and a nakai (inn staff) noticed us and came out to greet us.
As expected from a historic inn—her posture was perfect, and she bowed politely as she waited for us.
"Welcome, and thank you for coming."
"We have a reservation. Under Mochizuki."
Saya answered in a surprisingly formal tone.
I had to resist the urge to ask, Who are you and what have you done with Saya?, and waited to be guided inside.
"Mochizuki-sama, yes. We've been expecting you. Please, come this way."
We were led through the inn’s gate.
Inside, several nakai were waiting, and among them, there was a familiar face.
"Sakura?"
Suzune called out, and Hinamori responded with a gentle smile.
She clearly recognized us, but didn’t react beyond that.
"Allow me to guide you to your room."
With practiced movements, Hinamori began explaining the facilities as she led us.
"Well then, please enjoy your stay."
Just like when we arrived, she gave a respectful bow and left the room immediately.
Suzune and I, left behind, stood in stunned silence as we set our bags down in the corner.
Meanwhile, Rurina and Saya were chatting like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
"Hmm? You wanna know where to buy it? I’ll tell you later. Just don’t get lost, alright?"
[It’s okay]
“Hmm, I see. Still, Kurusu doesn’t seem surprised at all, huh~”
[So cool and professional, she’s amazing]
“Haha. That’s what being a pro is. Sounds like she’s been doing it for a while—she’s really polished.”
[I’ll do my best too]
“Haha. Good luck.”
Seeing the two of them talk like that, Suzune and I exchanged glances.
Then we both let out a small laugh at the same time.
“Man~ I was pretty surprised just now. Hinamori didn’t show it on her face at all.”
“Yeah, totally. So this is where Sakura’s family workplace is, huh?”
“You didn’t know, Suzune?”
“Sakura doesn’t really like talking about her family. Well, with a place this big, I kinda get why.”
“Even if she told people, it probably wouldn’t go over well…”
Just having money is enough to attract the wrong kind of people—and nothing but trouble.
Even the friendships she has now could fall apart.
Jealousy toward someone who has things... that’s one of the most common problems.
I’ve seen that enough to be sick of it.
“Well then, little brother. Time for you to leave the room for a bit. I’ll call you when it’s okay to come back.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Don’t worry about it, just go (A surprise is a must, after all~)”
“Hey, don’t push!”
And with that momentum, I was pushed right out of the room.
A surprise, huh… Whenever Saya thinks of one, it never ends well…
Oh well. Might as well take a look around while I’m at it.
I let out a sigh and walked through the inn.
“Too many people around is kinda tiring…”
Passing near the rooms, I could hear all kinds of voices. Yeah, maybe I should head somewhere quieter.
I decided to go outside and take a walk in the garden.
“There were a bunch of people at the footbath too… probably better to go later. I guess late at night’s best for the hot spring too. Well, no rush.”
Stretching, I strolled slowly down the stone path in the garden.
Then I spotted a bench near a large pond in the center and sat down, blankly watching the koi swimming in the water.
“Even the ponds are pretty in places like this. A lot of the koi have really nice patterns too.”
As I was saying that to myself—
(Ah! Kaburagi-san, discovered! Fufu~ You really look like a grandpa, you know~ Now then, time for a goddess to descend!)
I thought I heard a familiar voice.
Still as loud as ever.
There aren’t many people you can recognize just from their voice even when you can’t see them…
Usually, whether someone’s speaking out loud or just thinking, you can tell by whether their mouth is moving.
But with Hinamori, her inner thoughts are so forceful and different from her usual self that it’s easy to tell, even when you can’t see her face.
Even now, I could totally tell she was sneaking up from behind like, “Alright~ time to surprise him!”
I listened carefully, waiting for the moment she’d be right behind me.
And then—
“Yo, Hinamori. How’s it going?”
“Nyah!?”
When I suddenly turned around and spoke to her, a cat-like yelp slipped from her mouth.
Her face flushed red, and puffing up her cheeks, she looked at me in protest.
“…I think that was really mean, you know?”
“Ahaha, sorry. Is it okay to talk to you right now?”
“It’s fine. There’s no one around at the moment, and I just happened to be passing through on patrol. (…Let’s just say it was by chance. People are weak to coincidences, after all.)”
“I see. Well, I shouldn’t get in the way of your work, so I’ll head back.”
“Ah, uh… (And I finally got a chance to talk with him…)”
“You're on patrol, right?”
“Mmm. You’re smiling… So that means you said it on purpose, didn’t you… (Ahh, I’ve been outplayed again~! So frustrating~!!)"
“Haha. So, Hinamori, did you need something?”
Hinamori, looking a little dissatisfied, gave a cute little cough.
“I want you to tell Suzune-chan and the others too. I didn’t act like a friend earlier… So, that’s why.”
“It’s okay. Everyone understands. I mean, it’s not like anyone was shocked by how you acted. If anything, we just thought you were working hard.”
“If that’s the case, then that’s good. (…I would’ve been really sad if they ended up hating me because of that.)”
Hinamori looked visibly relieved.
She must have been worried deep down.
She knows better than anyone how a single word or action can change or ruin relationships.
Even if she thought, “If I act like that, they’ll hate me,” she probably convinced herself it was just part of the job.
But in the end, not wanting her friends to hate her, she came to explain herself… that’s likely what this was about.
Well, I’ll be sure to let the others know for her sake.
They probably aren’t that concerned, though.
“So, what do you think? Do you feel like you can enjoy yourself at this ryokan?”
“I haven’t really gotten around to checking out the place yet. But I think I’ll like the atmosphere.”
“I’m glad to hear that. By the way, what did you think of me? For example, this outfit?”
“Looks like even a scarecrow can look good with the right clothes.”
“Hmm. That’s a hard one to interpret… but fine. Next up, I’ll be serving food too, so burn my perfection into your memory, alright?”
“Haha. I’ll do that.”
She smiled confidently and pointed a finger at me.
It felt like she was challenging me to a duel.
She was so full of confidence, I almost clapped for her on the spot.
“Really, Hinamori—you’re amazing.”
“Well, of course. I am who I am, after all. (A flawless and unbeatable beautiful girl, obviously.)”
“Haha. I can tell you’ve worked really hard. It must’ve been tough to get everything to this level.”
I just said what I honestly thought.
I don’t think I was wrong, but Hinamori looked at me with a blank expression.
“What’s wrong, Hinamori? Did I say something weird?”
“N-No, it’s just… unexpected. Were you… trying to tease me?”
“I wasn’t. Making fun of someone’s effort is the lowest thing you can do.”
“I-I see… (…Getting praised for stuff like this is kind of embarrassing...)”
Hinamori gave a vague smile, her cheeks turning red.
I don’t know when exactly she put in all that effort.
But I’m sure she doesn’t let others see it.
It’s the same at school—she shows people the version of herself they expect, and she knows exactly how to make herself look good.
There’s no way someone like that isn’t putting in the work behind the scenes.
Even the usual antics she pulls on me feel calculated… though it’s kind of funny how they always seem to miss the mark when it comes to me.
“Hmm… Are you laughing at something? (So you were teasing me after all! Geez~ and I was a little happy, too~!)”
“No, I mean… sometimes you put effort into weird stuff, right? Like staging your little acts for me.”
“Eh? Staging? I have no idea what you’re talking about~”
“Your lie is way too obvious. Well, even if it’s weird effort, I like people who try their best.”
“…Th-Thank you very much. (He said he likes that… and now I’m flustered… Wait—!? This is one of those emotional whiplash tactics, isn’t it!? Raise me up, drop me, then raise me again—what a high-level strategy…! B-But I haven’t lost yet!)”
Hinamori gave me a look like she’d just realized she’d messed up and glared at me.
Really… she’s so competitive.
Even now, she looks like she’s desperately trying to pull the pace back in her favor.
Hinamori took a deep breath, regained her composure, and gave me a cheerful smile.
“I have a little proposal for you, Kaburagi-san.”
“A proposal?”
“Kaburagi-san, you’re pretty sharp and observant, right? How about it? Want to work at our place??”
“There’s no way I could do hospitality work. I’m not as good at putting on a sweet act as you are.”
“I actually think it’d be the perfect job for you~ (…Your perception and attentiveness are seriously impressive. I’ll definitely keep hiring you as an employee in mind for the future.)”
…She’s totally making hiring plans on her own.
Well, a job with that many people wouldn’t suit me anyway.
“Ah, it’s about time. I need to get back.”
“Got it. Good luck, then.”
“Of course. But from here on, I’ll be switching into work mode… So even if I act distant like before, please don’t let it bother you. It’s not because I don’t like you or anything.”
“I know. I won’t misunderstand, and I’ll make sure not to get in your way.”
“Fufu, hearing that puts me at ease. Well then, please enjoy yourself.”
“Yeah, I will. See you later.”
“Yes!”
Hinamori gave me a soft smile, then bowed politely at the waist.
And when she lifted her head again, she had the face of the nakai-san who had been guiding us earlier, and walked away without looking back.
…She switches gears fast.
I watched her retreating figure for a moment, then turned my eyes back to the pond.
“Everyone’s carrying their own stuff, huh…”
The words slipped out of my mouth.
As I gazed at the scenery, I waited for a message from my sister.
*
“How about it, Ritsu? Quite the feast for the eyes, huh??”
When I returned to the room, I was greeted by the three girls, all dressed in yukata.
Suzune had a cute hairpin in her hair, and Rurina had her hair tied back, showing off the nape of her neck in a way that was… kinda stunning.
…Damn.
I caught myself staring and quickly turned to my sister.
The moment our eyes met, she had the most annoyingly smug expression on her face.
“Oooh? So even Ritsu’s weak to beautiful girls in yukata, huh? You always act like you’re not interested, but turns out you’re pretty easy, aren’t ya?”
“…Too bad there’s one older lady mixed in. Kinda ruins it.”
“All right. Let’s go find a grave. There’s one nearby—I’ll bury you myself.”
“Don’t grab my head—!”
Saya had her hand clamped firmly on my skull, a vein visibly throbbing on her forehead.
…Even though she was the one who teased me first. Seriously, this is so unfair.
As I silently voiced my complaints in my head, Rurina had quietly come up beside me and was now peeking at my face.
[Sibling Rivalry Intensity: High]
(…That physical roughhousing is kinda intense… a little surprised here)
“That’s not normal, alright? It’s just that Saya’s violent.”
[Do I Look Good?]
(…It’s my first time wearing one, so I’m not really confident…)
“Yeah, I think it suits you. Did you do your hair yourself?”
[Suzune]
(Suzune did it for me… she said it suits me ‘cause my hair’s long…)
“She’s always been good with her hands, huh.”
She probably did not only Rurina’s hair but Saya’s too.
Since Saya can’t do stuff like that herself.
“Anyway, you should get changed too, Ritsu. We’ve got a yukata for guys as well.”
“Do I have to?”
“We’re at a traditional inn, you know. Gotta enjoy the full experience. So—here you go.”
Suzune handed me a yukata, and I went to the washroom to change.
When I came back, Suzune’s cheeks turned a little pink, and she simply said, “Looks good.”
“Well then! Since we’re all dressed up, let’s play some ping-pong! By the way, little brother, refusal is not an option.”
“There’s gonna be a lot of people, right?”
“Relax. It’s reservation-based, so it’ll be fine.”
“Alright, alright.”
“Ahaha. Ritsu’s weak to his big sister, huh.”
“Instead of enjoying the show, how about backing me up for once?”
“I wanna play ping-pong with you too, so nope~.”
“Wow… I’m surrounded by enemies.”
While Suzune and my sister were excitedly chatting like, ‘Wanna play a match?’, I turned to Rurina.
“You coming, Rurina?”
[Yep]
(…i’d like to play, even if just a little…)
Rurina nodded enthusiastically, though she still seemed to be holding herself back, just a bit.
And with that, the four of us headed off to play ping-pong.
*
“Lemme rest for a bit…”
“You really have no stamina, huh, Ritsu?”
“You two just have too much stamina…”
After about two hours of playing ping-pong, I ran out of gas and slumped into a nearby chair.
It honestly felt like a full-on sports club practice—things got way too intense along the way, and now I’m wiped out.
I grabbed the water I bought earlier and chugged it in one go.
“Haa… haa… If I keep hanging out with my muscle-brain sister, I’m gonna collapse…”
I tried to get my breathing back to normal, taking deep breaths again and again.
While watching Suzune and Saya still playing in front of me, I fanned my face with my paddle.
“Huh? Wait… Where’s Rurina?”
That thought suddenly struck me, and I looked around.
She’d definitely been here just a moment ago, but now she was nowhere to be seen.
…Did something happen?
With a weird sense of unease crawling up my chest, I got to my feet to go look for her.
Just then, the other two came over to take a break.
“Aah… seriously, I’m gonna die… But I hate losing…”
“Well, guess this means I’m not so old that I can’t keep up with the younger crowd. Gotta say, Kirizaki gave it a pretty good fight though.”
“Hmph… I’ll win next time. I’m gonna grab a drink.”
Looking frustrated, Suzune headed toward the vending machines.
“Pretty good match, huh?”
“Right? Though I’m still better, obviously.”
“Well, you were called a muscle-brained gorilla for a reason.”
“Wanna test if I’m gorilla-tier? Using your bones as proof? (And I’m not joking.)”
“I’m sorry!!”
Her voice carried real menace, and I apologized reflexively.
Man, she’s gotten way too good at scaring me into submission…
Well, I guess that’s natural when you live together.
“Oh right, Saya—there’s something I wanted to ask you.”
“Hm?”
“Do you know where Rurina went? She disappeared.”
“Hmm… Well, maybe she had some business or something.”
“You know something?”
“…And what if I do?”
“Of course I’d help her if she’s in trouble.”
I answered without hesitation.
At that, Saya furrowed her brow, staring at me like she was scrutinizing something.
Then, with a glare, she said,
“If you’re planning to go in there playing hero, don’t bother. You’ll break if you try to carry everything on your own.”
“I’m not trying to play anything. I’m just doing what I can do.”
“Haah… So stubborn…”
She sighed, pressing a hand to her forehead in exasperation.
“What about you, then?”
“What about me?”
“If you can still hear it like always, then you should know, right? Why I’m here… (Can you really face it...? That’s what I’m worried about.)”
Even if I pretend not to hear it, I always pick up on it.
So before we even came here, I already knew why my sister brought me along.
And I’d been vaguely aware of Rurina’s reaction too.
Until Saya said it out loud, I wasn’t completely sure—but I had a feeling.
Where Rurina and Saya first met…
There weren’t many places that could’ve been.
I clenched my fists tightly.
“I don’t really understand myself. But if there’s one thing I can do… it’s keep helping people with my so-called ‘fake kindness.’ That’s all I’ve got.”
After I said that, my sister ran a hand roughly through her hair and started fiddling with her phone.
A moment later, my own phone lit up. She’d sent me a message—just a map URL.
“…Buy some flowers. There’s a place nearby where you can get them.”
“Thanks. But… I can’t. I wouldn’t be able to face her with them.”
“…Ritsu. (…It’s not your fault, you know)”
“I’m going.”
Saya let out a long sigh, flapped her hand like she was shooing me away, and walked over toward Suzune.
I headed in the opposite direction.
From behind me, I heard Suzune’s cheerful voice—“Let’s have some girl time!”
But I didn’t look back.
I just picked up my pace and left the inn behind.
I'm doing my best. Ei-ei-oh…
(えいえいおー (Eieioー) - a cheer of encouragement)
The truth is, I wanted to show you how much I’d grown—around summer, maybe.
I wanted to overcome all kinds of things and be someone you could proudly call “my daughter.”
But today, there’s just so much I want to talk about.
──I came, Dad.
In front of the grave, I put my hands together and closed my eyes.
Then, after bowing once, I began cleaning the area.
Maybe because it’s been a few months since I last came, the weeds had grown thick, and the gravestone was faintly tinged with green moss.
I scrubbed it off as I pulled the weeds around the grave.
Silently, mindlessly... With no one else around, the only sounds were those of my own cleaning, echoing quietly in the stillness.
Being here always brings back memories—of who I was a few years ago.
And the regret I can never take back.
The word “I hate you” that I said to you.
Words that came from a place of frustration, not something I truly meant from my heart.
But I can no longer deny them.
Because... I’ll never get to see you again.
──I want to make up with you.
I took a deep breath and tried to say it out loud.
But suddenly, my heart began to race, and instead of words, only a breath escaped from my mouth... haa.
Just like before—nothing’s changed.
There are a lot of times when not being able to speak properly is a problem, but... maybe this is fine.
──Because words are weapons.
Letting your emotions out with your voice might make things easier.
But things that can’t be seen often cause misunderstandings.
The unseen shouldn’t just be thrown out into the darkness.
You never know how much damage something invisible can do.
Even if it’s heard as sound, how it’s received depends on the person listening.
Like the saying goes, “The mouth is the source of disaster.” Even if you don’t mean any harm, it can still lead to trouble.
──That’s why I write.
So that the meaning of the words can be understood just as they are.
By adding that extra step of writing, I can calm myself.
And if I do that, I won’t make the same mistakes I did before.
…Dad. Do you think I’ve grown up, even just a little?
I murmured that in my heart.
But that voice wouldn’t reach anyone.
All the things I want to apologize for, all the things I want to say...
They just stay within me, painfully, emptily.
Ever since I was little, I wasn’t very good with people.
There were things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t.
Whenever I tried, I’d get fidgety and awkward.
So I think kids in my class always saw me as weird.
I’m bad at talking partly because of my personality, but maybe also because I didn’t have many chances to play with others.
My father was the only one who would listen to someone like me.
But he was always busy with work, so it was hard for him to find the time.
That’s why I often spent my days alone.
…It was lonely. I’d think, I wish he’d come home soon.
While thinking things like that, I’d read books or do things I could do by myself.
But even in those ordinary days, there was something I looked forward to—every Friday, my father would come home early.
Just on that one day, I’d rush home right after school, finish my homework and get ready for tomorrow. Then I’d clean the bath and get everything perfectly prepared.
After that, all I had to do was wait excitedly to talk with my dad… that was my life.
It was just the two of us—me and Dad—but I felt happy.
──It happened one day.
It was right before my birthday.
I was more excited than usual, constantly thinking, What should we eat? Where should we go? What about my present?
Even at school, I was totally distracted, with my head full of just those thoughts.
I had been talking to my dad about my birthday for months, so the excitement only kept growing.
But then—
"I'm sorry, Rurina. Things are really busy at work, and I might not be able to take the day off tomorrow."
The day before, my father told me that.
“…Why? It’s my birthday.”
“I’m really sorry. I’ll make it up to you somehow, okay…? Ah, I know! On my next day off, I’ll take you wherever you want to go.”
In a gentle voice, he spoke to me with a look of genuine apology.
But at that moment, I just couldn’t accept that kind of suggestion.
From the height of joy, I plummeted into despair and broke down crying right then and there.
…A birthday is supposed to be a special day!
When even is your next day off?
You don’t even know when it’ll be…
Even as a child, I understood he was busy.
But my emotions refused to accept the facts.
In that moment, out of frustration, I said something I didn’t truly mean.
“I hate you, Dad!”
Even now, I can’t forget the expression on his face when I said those words.
That sad, yet gentle smile is burned into my memory.
In the end, we didn’t talk after that. He didn’t even reply when I said “I’m off,” for the first time ever.
But as I spent time alone, my emotions gradually began to settle...
Even though I was little, I still regretted what I said.
I said something awful, just because I let my feelings take over…
So I decided: when he got home, I’d apologize… and say “Good job today,” and give him a present.
“I’m sorry for saying such a mean thing. Thank you, always. I love you.” I’d tell him that, and I’d try making one of those felt wool animals that he often made for me, and I’d give it to him.
That’s what I had planned.
...But I never got the chance to give it to him.
Because that day, he never came home.
No matter how late it was, he always came back. But even into the night, he didn’t return, and at some point I fell asleep.
And then──the next time I saw Dad, he was surrounded by beautiful flowers.
His face was pale, but he looked like he was sleeping peacefully.
As a child, I didn’t really understand what had happened...
But I knew—I was alone now.
Everything felt unreal, and I just stood there, stunned. Strangely, I didn’t even cry.
After the funeral, I was taken in by relatives.
One night, when I got up to go to the bathroom, I happened to overhear a conversation.
“Did you hear? It was a traffic accident. He was trying to come home from a business trip in a single day. Sounds like he really pushed himself. They say he was hit by a car that ran a red light.”
“Yeah, it’s hard to see someone in a suit at night... Poor man.”
“Right? I wonder what he was in such a rush for?”
When I heard that, the tears I’d been holding back finally overflowed.
Was it because I said those things... that Dad pushed himself?
Was it because I said those things... that he got in the accident?
Was it because I said those things... that he died?
Was it because I said those things──?
From that day on, I couldn’t speak properly. (T/N: ...)
Whenever I tried to talk, I’d be overwhelmed by a racing heartbeat, and my body would tremble. I had never been good at communicating, but now it became even worse.
I stopped going to school, and before long, I shut myself away in my room.
Because of that, my relatives started treating me like something fragile, like I might break if touched. Maybe from the stress, the pale color of my hair lightened even more—and that just made it harder to go outside.
My aunt must have given up on me, because she stopped talking to me altogether.
Instead, she started complaining more often.
…I don’t want to go outside anymore.
One day, during my shut-in life, something changed.
The door to my room suddenly opened, and a small cardboard box was placed inside.
“Would you at least sort through your dad’s stuff?”
My aunt said that, then quickly left the room.
I hadn’t looked at it for several days, but the object peeking out of the box caught my attention. I slowly began to take out the things my father had left behind.
There weren’t many.
A candy tin filled with origami I had made, the leftover felt wool he had used to teach me how to craft… and one notebook.
This was all that had been given to me.
…So little. That’s all that’s left?
That thought crossed my mind as I quietly opened the notebook.
Inside was my father’s familiar handwriting.
…Huh. This is…
My eyes stopped on one particular phrase written on one of the pages.
“Never forget effort, courage, and gratitude. Be kind—just like your name.”
…Just like my name?
Near the beginning of the old notebook, a list of names had been scribbled down.
Among them, the name “瑠璃菜 (Rurina)” had been circled in red, marked as the first choice.
Next to it, a short note was hastily written:
“A heart as pure and beautiful as the color of lapis lazuli. Energetic like fresh greens, and always looking forward, no matter what happens.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks.
Big drops of them fell and soaked into the floor.
…Just like my name.
Three days later, I left the room I’d been hiding in.
I wrote my words on a sheet of paper and bowed my head to my aunt, asking: “Please let me go to school.”
She was surprised at first, but she gave her permission, and I began attending a nearby middle school.
Since I hadn’t gone to school since partway through elementary, I didn’t know anything anymore… But I kept going, carrying my father’s words with me in my heart.
Still, nothing really went smoothly.
Actually, there was no way it could go smoothly.
I’d spent so long without interacting with anyone, I couldn’t sense proper distance with people. I didn’t fit in—neither in middle school nor in the high school I managed to get into.
…At the very least, I have to keep studying.
That’s what I thought, so that’s what I kept working hard on.
But still, there were so many times when I felt like I couldn’t go on...
Times when I felt like my heart would break, like I was going to collapse completely.
Whenever that happened, I would visit my father’s grave, even though it was far away.
I went there to gather courage—to try and lift myself up again…
…Dad. I messed up again the other day.
But I’ll keep trying, okay?
That’s what I would tell him, standing before his grave, before beginning to clean it—just like always, when no one else was around.
Usually I did it silently, alone, but today there was someone else at a nearby grave.
A tall, beautiful woman.
She looked nothing like me—so cool, so composed, like she had everything together.
She had the kind of presence that made you admire her at a glance.
I found myself staring without realizing it.
Noticing my gaze, the woman turned toward me with a curious expression, then began walking over.
“Umm... is something wrong?”
She called out to me, and my body flinched in surprise.
I have to respond—if I want to get better at talking to people, I have to try when they speak to me. I have to smile… at least try…
Even though I knew what I should do, all I could manage was a stiff, tense expression.
The woman in front of me seemed a little surprised at the sight.
“You’re looking pretty grumpy—are you feeling unwell or something?”
She asked, tilting her head.
I frantically shook my head to deny it.
Ah… I messed up again…
That thought ran through my mind as I reached up and tugged at my own cheeks.
Seeing me fussing with my face, the woman gave a wry smile.
“You’re a funny one, aren’t you? Alright then, big sis here will lend a hand.”
She made the offer with a grin, but I quickly shook my head.
I tried to tell her through gestures that it was okay, that I could handle it.
“…You seem fine, huh? Alright then, I’ll go fetch some water first.”
But it seemed I hadn’t communicated it well—she picked up a bucket and headed off toward the water faucet.
…Idiot. I have to be clearer…
Panicking, I rushed to grab my notebook and scribbled out a big “×” before holding it up for her to see.
She looked at it and muttered,
“…Ah. I see—written conversation, huh?”
Then she turned to me and smiled warmly.
“Haha. Sorry about that. You’re right, I guess it is weird to get approached out of nowhere by a total stranger.”
I shook my head, trying to convey that it wasn’t like that.
“Not like that, huh? Well, anyway—let me introduce myself. I’m Mochizuki Sayaka, a school nurse at a high school. And you are?”
【Kurusu Rurina】
“Hmm, Kurusu, huh? Alright then, Kurusu—why don’t you let big sis help out a little?”
She was a bit forceful, but Mochizuki-san helped me clean the grave.
The whole time, even though I didn’t say a word, she just kept on talking.
She chatted about school, vented a little about work, and even shared random trivia.
…She was funny, and kind.
There wasn’t any awkwardness—it was the first time in a long while that I’d spent time with someone like this.
Even though we’d just met, she was incredibly gentle with me, and all the tension I’d felt earlier seemed to melt away like it had never been there.
“Given my job, I’m pretty good at noticing when someone’s struggling. Well… I guess you could say my idiot little brother helped sharpen that sense. Anyway—something bothering you, by any chance?”
Ordinarily, it’s not the kind of thing you’d talk about with someone you just met.
But somehow, when I was with Mochizuki-san, I wanted to share.
I began writing out my troubles in my notebook.
Honestly, there were too many… I didn’t even know where to start.
── I can’t make friends.
── I can’t connect with people properly.
The more I wrote, the more things kept coming to mind.
No matter how much I wrote, the things I had to fix about myself didn’t go away.
I used the notebook to organize my thoughts, but… what do I do? There’s too much…
If I keep this up, she’ll leave before I can even say anything, right…?
But… that worry was completely unfounded.
Mochizuki-san just waited quietly the whole time I was writing.
When I was finally done, I circled just one of the things I had written—and handed the notebook to her.
【Change】
That was my current goal.
Two characters that summed up exactly how I felt.
I want to become someone I can be proud of—someone I can proudly tell my dad about.
Mochizuki-san took the notebook, then furrowed her brow thoughtfully.
“…Hey. Are you enjoying your current school?”
I shook my head.
“I see… Well, one option is to change your environment.”
…Change my environment?
What does she mean by that…?
“Heh. You’re making a puzzled face, huh? Well, it’s simple really — I’m saying you should change schools. By doing that, you can start from zero, and there’s bound to be some good encounters waiting. If you’re willing to give it your all, Kurusu, I’ll introduce you. He’s an absolute idiot, ridiculously kind-hearted, and a bit twisted, though.”
…Is that really someone I can count on?
But… I see. Changing schools and starting fresh.
At my current school, people have the worst impression of me…
“But listen. The transfer exam for our school isn’t easy, you know? Kurusu, are you… okay with the studying part?”
Seeing how worried she looked, I gave a small nod.
I might not be okay — but I have to try.
…I've taken so much time off already, so it’s okay if I don’t rest anymore.
And besides, I’m not going to run away anymore.
If there’s even a chance I can change, I want to keep moving forward.
No matter how painful it is, no matter if things don’t go well… I’ll take pride in the meaning behind my name, and I’ll make it come true.
So today, too, I’ll stay strong… I can do it, me.
Ei-ei-oh…!
With that cheer to myself, I looked straight at Mochizuki-san.
“Those are some determined eyes. That puts me at ease.”
[Thank you.]
“Ahaha! It’s too early to thank me. Say that once you’ve managed to transfer with your own strength — come to the nurse’s office then and tell me. Can you promise that?”
Mochizuki-san said that and held out her pinky.
I nodded and hooked my pinky with hers, sealing the promise.
Then, in front of the grave, I put my hands together and swore silently in my heart: I’ll do my best, Dad. I’ll definitely accomplish this.
—And then, a few months later.
Looking back, it was without a doubt a fateful encounter.
In the winter of my first year of high school, I transferred schools.
You're not alone.
Remembering the past made my face flush with heat, and I felt something welling up around my eyes.
I let out a soft breath, trying to calm myself down.
Then, like always, I wanted to make the place where Dad sleeps nice and clean—pulling weeds, changing the water… Wiping away the dirt from the ground, I quietly spoke to him in my heart.
Dad. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to come.
It’s been a long time since the last time I visited.
Time really flew by.
Lately, things have been going so well…
Maybe it’s because I worked so hard—I didn’t want to be left behind.
I placed second in my class on the last test, and I even learned how to cook.
And you know what? Something even more amazing happened…
I made friends.
They’re fun, kind, and warm to be around.
They’re those kinds of friends.
We even hang out and do things together, you know?
We’ve gotten so close that we even went on a trip together today…
If you knew about this, I bet you’d be shocked, right?
Maybe you’d make a big fuss and be super happy about it?
You’d probably say “That’s amazing,” and maybe even go buy a cake or something.
I’m going to keep doing my best.
Because there are still so many things I’m not good at…
So that one day, I can proudly say: “I’ve become a daughter you can be proud of.”
In that quiet place where only the sound of the wind could be heard, the faint sound of sniffling mixed in.
…I have to smile.
I want to show him the results of all my practice…
Even as I told myself that, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
Remembering the past, and the fact that I couldn’t see him anymore, made the tears come endlessly. No matter how many times I wiped them away with a handkerchief, it just kept getting wetter, until it didn’t even feel like it was helping anymore.
…I need to act normal when I go back to everyone.
I don’t want to make them worry…
But once emotions burst through, they won’t listen.
Even though I can’t stay here long… why now?
“Didn’t I tell you before? When things are hard, it’s okay to cry, or even scream.”
Suddenly, I heard a voice behind me, and I quickly turned around.
Whenever I’m down or hurting, he always comes.
Like a hero, his appearance makes my heart race.
There he was, smiling as always—my precious person.
“Here, wipe your tears. I’ve got a handkerchief too. Oh, and don’t worry about getting it dirty. I brought a bunch, just in case.”
Ritsu stepped closer and gently wiped my tears away.
He was holding flowers too—he must have bought them just like I did.
[Thank you.]
I hurried to write my thanks on the tablet and showed it to him. He smiled gently.
“…Is it okay if I talk to your dad too?”
I nodded, and Ritsu brought his hands together in front of his face and closed his eyes.
After bowing once, he said:
“Nice to meet you. My name is Kaburagi Ritsu. I’m your daughter’s closest friend.”
His face turned a little red as he introduced himself.
Then, he continued speaking.
“Rurina-san is incredibly hardworking—to the point that sometimes she pushes herself too much… But I’m always watching over her, so it’s okay. So please, keep watching her grow from above with peace of mind.”
Once he finished, he gave one more respectful bow.
[Thank you.]
“It’s not really something to thank me for. You gave him a good update, didn’t you?”
[I still have a long way to go.]
I shook my head.
I’ve gotten better than before, but there are still so many things I’m not good at.
It’s only because Ritsu and everyone else helped me that I’ve made it this far.
That’s why… I don’t think I can say I’ve truly settled into school life yet.
Once I’ve improved more, I’ll come again—this time on my own.
“In that case, how about I come with you again next time to hear the update?”
When I looked at him in surprise, Ritsu smiled gently.
…Why is it that he always says exactly what I need to hear?
But this is something I need to do on my own… so I can’t trouble him.
[Thank you. But I should go alone.]
“Don’t worry about it. Besides, you need a witness when you’re reporting things, right? Like this time—I’ve got to tell him how incredibly hard you’ve been working.”
…Is it really okay?
To rely on him again…
“Don’t hold back when it comes to relying on me. Even if it’s just to say, ‘I made a new friend,’ or ‘I got a good score on a test,’ I’ll come. I’m your former mentor, after all. I can’t just let my student go off alone.”
[Does that even count as a reason?]
“Ah, well… I mean, I can’t really say it does… but anyway, I’m coming. I bet you’re thinking something like, ‘I don’t want to trouble anyone,’ right?”
Ugh… dead on.
Why does Ritsu always know exactly what I’m thinking?
“You’ve got that puzzled look again. Even if you can’t say it out loud, I can still tell. So if you’re ever in trouble, rely on me—because I’ll be there to support you, Rurina.”
As he said that, Ritsu gently patted my head.
I leaned into his chest and quietly cried.
But as happy as I felt about his promise to support me… I also felt a faint, unshakable something catch in my heart.
*
After crying for a while, I looked at my face on my phone and saw my eyes were red.
…Will he say I look like a rabbit?
Ah, more importantly…
[Why are you here, Ritsu?]
“Ah, that? Just coincidence, I guess?”
The awkward way he said it reminded me of how my teacher looked when we met here before.
I know he was looking for me… but it feels like there’s more to it than that.
When I stared at him intently, he looked away.
“Well then, I guess I’ll help clean up too. I brought flowers, after all.”
[Those are some beautiful flowers.]
“Yeah, they’re not bad. I thought I’d give them to your dad, but… it’s already full of flowers from you.”
[I wanted to make it look nice.]
“Haha, it looks really great.”
With a carefree smile, he helped me clean.
And finally, when everything was tidy, we washed the area down with water.
“Looks good now.”
[Thank you.]
“Not at all. It feels nice when things are clean. Alright, let’s head back.”
[Didn’t you have something to do?]
“Nope. More importantly, we should hurry back or everyone’ll get worried.”
Ritsu smiled and started to walk away.
It was just like him—but somehow, it felt like he was trying to escape.
Why did I feel that way…?
But—I knew, I couldn’t let him leave right now.
By the time I realized it, I had wrapped my arms around him from behind.
I didn’t know why I felt that way.
But I felt like there was something behind the smile he always showed me.
Something familiar… yes, like what I felt when I was shut away from everything.
That feeling of loss, despair, and regret.
The feeling that you want to just disappear…
But it’s only a hunch.
I don’t know if it’s really true…
Still, I just knew—I couldn’t leave him alone.
“H-Hey. Rurina…? I’d really appreciate it if you let go. This is, uh… kind of a compromising situation…”
Ritsu said in his usual tone, a bit flustered.
He looked like a guy who’s confused because a girl suddenly hugged him.
His reaction was as usual—nothing really seemed out of place.
But… it’s exactly because it looked normal that I felt something like a wall.
Something hidden behind his awkward smile…
[If there's something you need to do, let’s do it. I’ll do it with you.]
With firm resolve, I stared at him.
Trusting my intuition, I didn’t look away from his uneasy smile.
Then, he looked up at the sky and said:
“…Hey. Can I say something totally random and ridiculous?”
I nodded silently.
“What if… I could read minds? What would you think?”
He asked casually, like making a light joke.
Read minds? What does he mean by that?
But I wrote:
[Then we could talk a lot.]
“Haha, that’s true. But if I really could hear everything, wouldn’t it be creepy? Every single thing you’re thinking would be exposed.”
[Would it?]
“‘Would it,’ she says… Most people would hate that.”
[I’m not most people.]
“…That’s kind of a hard response to deal with.”
[Also, hearing everything would be painful too.]
If someone could really do something like that, I think they’d just end up exhausted.
They’d hear things they didn’t want to hear… get hurt by them… and if it were me, I might not be able to do anything anymore.
And now that I’m in high school, I have some sense of right and wrong, but… if I’d had that ability as a child, I think I would’ve struggled a lot.
Even something meant well could turn out terribly…
As I imagined that, I felt Ritsu’s hand tense slightly.
When I looked at his face, he was biting his lip, his usual gentle expression twisted in pain.
“…If someone like that really existed… someone who heard others’ secrets and ended up ruining someone’s life… what should they do?”
He said it as if giving up on something.
Then, noticing himself, he quickly added with a strained smile:
“Sorry, that got weird. I’ve probably been reading too many manga.”
It was the exact same smile he’d shown me once before—when I was practicing how to smile.
…Not knowing hurts.
Ritsu said earlier that he would support me.
His kindness feels so warm and makes me happy… but then, who’s supporting him?
He looks like he could break at any moment… and yet, he’s always the one helping others.
Who’s there to help him?
If Ritsu’s the only one who doesn’t get saved… I can’t accept that. Not ever.
That’s what I was thinking, when I suddenly realized I had grabbed his hand as he started to leave.
“Rurina? What is it…?”
[Come with me.]
I pulled his hand, maybe a little forcefully, and led him to a certain grave.
It was the one the teacher had visited before…
I thought this might be where Ritsu had his reason for coming too.
“…I don’t think I have the right to face them.”
His voice was barely audible, and his face looked like he was biting down on something bitter.
…There has to be something I can do. If Ritsu is suffering from something… even just a little bit.
That’s what I believed as I took the flowers he brought and placed them in the flower stand.
Then, I tightly held the hand of the boy who just stood frozen.
I don’t know what happened…
But I can’t just walk away from Ritsu when he looks this hurt.
So I made a decision.
I’ll stay by his side from now on.
And I’ll be the one closest to him—supporting him from there.
[You’re not alone.]
I wrote those words and showed the screen to Ritsu.
Just a handful of characters, but they carried many meanings.
It was also a declaration.
—Let’s laugh together in happy times.
—If you’re troubled, I’ll worry with you.
—If it’s painful and you want to cry, I’ll cry with you.
—If you’re about to fall, I’ll support you from the other side.
—If it’s too much to carry, I’ll carry it with you.
Even if you can’t bear it alone, we can overcome it together.
That’s how I want to be with Ritsu.
He doesn’t often share his true feelings, but I want to understand him more, to get to know him better…
Precisely because I don’t speak, I want to express it through my actions.
Because I know how hard he’s trying, if he feels like stopping, I want to wait beside him.
Just like I was saved… this time, I want to be the one to push him forward.
With those feelings in my heart, I looked straight into Ritsu’s eyes.
He blushed slightly, rubbing his neck awkwardly, and murmured shyly:
“…You’re really straightforward. So bright it almost hurts… but I guess I’m being saved by that too.”
Then, as if he’d made up his mind, he turned solemnly toward the grave and bowed deeply.
Without saying a word—for several minutes.
When he finally raised his head, he turned to me and said:
“Thank you. For being with me. I’ll move forward… too.”
…It really feels like he heard me.
His response made me feel like my heart had reached his, and I couldn’t help but smile.
I pressed up close to his arm again and showed him my tablet.
[Because you have me, Ritsu!]
The words were bold and full of strength.
He looked at them and gave a soft laugh.
We haven’t known each other that long yet…
But somehow, it felt like we truly connected.
Chapter 4 END
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