Chapter 5: You're the Only One I Can Speak My True Feelings To
At the Midnight Foot Bath
"…So it really is like that, huh?"
Those words slipped out of my mouth.
No matter what I do, I can’t get what I saw earlier out of my head.
That scene I witnessed during our break—Kaburagi-san and Kurusu-san sitting so close together… and the way she clearly has feelings for him, and the way he seemed to reciprocate…
They were hugging… What happened after that?
They were alone, so maybe… No! What am I even thinking!?
Crash! A loud noise rang out, and dishes scattered around my feet.
"Hey, Sakura? What are you doing?"
"Ah… I’m sorry."
"You’ve been totally out of it, you know? You're making a lot of mistakes. Pull yourself together. You’re not the type of girl who zones out like this."
"Yes…"
"That’s enough. Go take a short break."
When told that, I returned to the waiting room and sat down on the floor.
sigh… I’m starting to hate myself for making mistake after mistake, totally unlike me.
It’s pathetic—I feel like crying.
But really, it’s my own fault for getting shaken up by what I saw…
I looked up at the ceiling and let out another sigh.
"I guess this is a loss for me."
Win him over and turn him down with style—
That’s what I had imagined, but it seems Kurusu-san is already one or two steps ahead.
What did she have that I didn’t?
…Even if I think about it, I don’t know.
Still…
"It’s pathetic, isn’t it… Getting so shaken by something like that… And worse, I ended up causing trouble for everyone… Ahhh, those stares were so painful…"
Some people were worried after seeing me mess up, but others were clearly smirking.
Well, I guess that’s only natural…
Seeing the usually perfect little girl mess up must make their food taste all the better.
Jealousy… it’s such an ugly thing, isn’t it?
I pulled at my cheeks and slapped myself in the face.
"Ugh, enough already. Time to switch gears. I just have to do my best as the Sakura everyone loves—Hinamori Sakura."
With that pep talk, I headed off to the foot bath tucked away from the main area, for a change of pace.
At this hour, in the middle of the night, I should be able to relax.
It’s the perfect setting to clear my head.
Soaking my feet in the bath, I gazed out into the darkness.
With no lights, the pitch-black view somehow felt like a reflection of me.
"Hinamori Sakura is beautiful, can do anything, and is the perfect girl…"
I whispered those words to myself.
…It’s fine if no one understands.
People only like the surface-level me anyway… My looks, my family background, my status—just those things.
But even so, I can’t say I hate it.
Because I really am blessed.
Still… I can’t help but wish, just a little, that someone would see the real me.
Well, unfortunately, there’s no one like that out there—
No, that’s not true. There is one person.
Someone who doesn’t fall for my act, who still treats the arrogant, ugly-hearted me as Hinamori Sakura.
"Aaahh… I was trying to forget, so why am I thinking about him again…?"
It’s pointless to think about someone who’s already out of my reach…
Isn’t there someone, somewhere out there?
A prince-like person who’d gently come to get a sentimental girl like me—one who’d totally fall for him if he made a move right now?
Aahh, stupid, stupid! What am I even thinking…
Anyway, I need to cool my head.
“Huh? Hinamori?”
Suddenly, a voice called out, and I jolted in surprise.
I turned around, nervously.
“Why are you here, Kaburagi-san?”
“Well, I’m a guest here, so it’s not that weird for me to be around, right? More importantly, you’re still up at this hour?”
“You are too, Kaburagi-san.”
“Haha, true. I just couldn’t fall asleep.”
I tried to stay composed, but my heart was pounding violently.
There’s no way I wouldn’t be shaken by the appearance of the very person I had been thinking about.
But I tried to brace myself so he wouldn’t catch on to that.
…Calm down, me.
Kaburagi-san is sharp.
If he sees through me here, my pride will be shattered beyond repair, and I won’t be able to recover.
So, calm down…
I told myself that and looked at Kaburagi-san with my usual expression.
For some reason, he gave me a wry smile.
“Don’t just stand there—why don’t you sit next to me? Since we’re both here, we might as well talk.”
“Ah… sure. I’ll do that.”
“Oh? Are you nervous, by any chance?”
“…Not at all. I just had some things on my mind.”
He shrugged his shoulders, then sat down beside me.
It seemed like he hadn’t noticed anything.
I quietly let out a breath of relief.
“Since we’ve got a guy and a girl together in a situation like this, how about we talk about love?”
“You really like that kind of talk, huh, Hinamori?”
“Fufu. It never gets boring, you know? And when you think of students, love stories are basically a must~.”
“Well, yeah… I guess a lot of people do like that kind of topic.”
He crossed his arms and tilted his head.
Judging by his demeanor, it feels like he might actually open up a bit today.
That usual wall I sense from him seems thinner than usual.
If that’s the case, I might be able to dig deep into what happened earlier… Fufufu.
“Since we’ve got this opportunity, tell me lots, okay? I’m very interested in Kaburagi-san’s love life.”
“Haven’t you already asked me about it plenty of times…?”
“But this time it’s just the two of us. That makes it easier to talk about the things you normally don’t want to bring up, right? Like what’s been going on lately, or your good friend Kurusu-san… Give me the juicy details.”
“Hm… I see. But in that case, you have to talk too, Hinamori.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. You never talk about your own love life, right? It’s always general stuff or hearsay.”
“...W-Well, that’s not exactly—”
“It’s not like I’d go telling anyone. I was just a little curious, like, why someone who has no intention of falling in love is so into love talk.”
Kaburagi-san’s unexpected remark left me at a loss for words.
The agitation from earlier started to rise again, and before I knew it, the words slipped from my lips:
“…What does it mean to fall in love with someone?”
I quickly clamped a hand over my mouth—but it was already too late.
Kaburagi-san was looking straight at me.
“Falling in love with someone, huh. Seems simple, but the answer’s not so easy to see.”
“U-Um, Kaburagi-san?”
“Yeah? Did I say something weird? If you don’t mind, I’d like to hear your thoughts too.”
“You’re not going to say, ‘You call yourself a love master and you don’t even know what love is? Haha, that’s hilarious’?”
"You're being awfully self-deprecating all of a sudden. Like I’d ever say something like that..."
He let out a sigh with an exasperated look on his face.
"But Kaburagi-san, you have a girlfriend, right? From a general societal standpoint, you’re basically a winner. So I figured maybe you'd look down on me."
"That's a pretty biased assumption... Besides, I don’t have much to say on the topic anyway."
"Useless, huh."
"That’s harsh... Well, I guess that explains why Hinamori is so eager to talk about romance."
Kaburagi-san nodded as if he’d just come to understand something.
Since it was obvious now, I gave up trying to hide it and decided to speak.
"I want to understand... what it means to like someone, the feeling of enjoying romance... I’ve never experienced it, so I don’t know. That’s why I want to learn."
What exactly is this love that everyone is so absorbed in?
But one thing is clear—when people talk about it happily, their expressions sparkle, and it looks dazzling... and enviable.
When I looked at Kaburagi-san, he tilted his head, puzzled.
"You say you don't understand, but you’ve been confessed to before, right?"
"I have. But even so, it never stirs anything in me emotionally. I mean, I don’t even know what part of me they claim to like."
"There are all kinds of reasons someone might fall for someone. The obvious stuff, like appearance, for example."
"Well, sure. I understand that I catch people’s eyes. I mean, I am beautiful."
"Don’t say that yourself. Don’t."
"Hehe. But the me that everyone says they like is just a version of me I created to meet expectations. So even if they say they like me, it’s not the real me. I suppose the best way to understand love is to experience it. But for me, that’s the hardest part."
"...Because you don’t understand what it means to fall in love. Well, there are cases where people grow to like someone after they start dating, too..."
"True. But that’s not an option for me. Maybe love can be a momentary lapse in judgment for some people, but I’m not allowed that luxury."
"You're not allowed to fall in love...?"
"My parents don’t say anything, you know? They tell me to relax, enjoy myself. But if I took their words literally and lived selfishly, there’s no way I’d be justified in destroying hundreds of years of tradition."
If I made a careless choice and ended up bringing ruin to my family... I wouldn’t be able to face them.
Precisely because my future is predetermined, dating carries weight. I have to think very carefully about who I fall in love with.
...Maybe it's exactly because of that way of thinking that I can’t fall in love.
"I want to tell you not to carry it all alone... but it’s not something I can say lightly."
"Exactly. I was born into this family, so I have a duty to protect its traditions."
"Thinking, 'Dating doesn’t automatically mean marriage, so just take it easy!' doesn't really apply, huh..."
"Right. In order to preserve a proper image, I have to be the kind of person who is pure and modest, gentle and endearing, well-behaved, intelligent and lovable. If I’m to inherit the family, I have to make everyone accept me."
I try to say it out loud often.
The person I must become... It’s important to verbalize that.
They say words have power, and saying it changes your awareness.
It’s also a way to motivate myself, so I have to keep declaring it proudly.
Even as I rambled on about myself, Kaburagi-san didn’t seem bored—he kept listening.
In fact, he occasionally furrowed his brows, looking at me with concern.
"Well, anyway. It’s just difficult for me. If you can understand that, I’d be grateful."
"I see. But if you're thinking about the future—this is something that goes on for decades, right?"
"That's only natural."
"If things don’t go well, you could end up in a late divorce. Love and marriage are more fragile than people think... That’s why I don’t think you need to approach it so seriously from the beginning and narrow the entrance too much."
"…………"
"What’s with that face?"
"Nothing. I just wonder sometimes... Kaburagi-san, are you actually an old man who took some kind of youth-restoring drug?"
"Between you and Suzune, can you two stop treating me like an old man...? And really, if you keep yourself that tense every day, it’s got to be exhausting."
Kaburagi-san let out a sigh as he looked up at the night sky.
I followed his lead and looked up, turning my gaze in the same direction he was facing.
"Well, honestly... it is exhausting. I put on a front, act tough... sometimes I lose track of who I really am. Don’t you think it’s awful? A person this troublesome?"
I said it with a self-mocking tone and sighed.
Ahh... I really didn’t want to show this weak side of myself.
How am I even supposed to face him next time?
I talk, and then fall into self-loathing… how typical.
Now then, how will Kaburagi-san react?
Will he get annoyed and just brush it off?
Or will he be at a loss for words?
Thinking that, I looked at Kaburagi-san.
Then he opened his mouth and said:
"I'm not bothered by anything you said today. And I won’t treat you any differently. Honestly, Hinamori, you're easy to read. So I’ll just act the same as always and tease you like usual."
He said it with a slight smile, no sign of hesitation.
...That’s the first time anyone’s ever called me easy to read.
Caught off guard, I stared blankly for a moment, but then quickly asked him back:
"Heh. Isn’t this where you're supposed to say something painfully embarrassing, like, 'You’re allowed to show your weak side to me'?"
"What the hell are you expecting from me? I’d never say something like that."
"Aw, you’re so cold."
"Still, I don’t mind listening to your complaints. For as long as you need."
"Really~? Saying that to a girl—our rants tend to go on forever, you know?"
"What, a few hours at most. That’s nothing."
"I’ve lived sixteen years, you know? I’ve got a lot built up."
"...Can I still take it back?"
"Too bad. Cooling-off period not accepted. You're stuck with me until I get tired of it."
When I smirked, he gave a wry smile and said, "Go easy on me."
That warm, accepting kindness made my heart skip a beat... and before I knew it, I was leaning against his shoulder.
"Putting on a façade really is tiring."
"Being the good version of myself is the easiest."
"Haha. I think the same way as you, Hinamori. It just makes everything go smoother that way."
"Oh? We’re in sync, huh~"
"Yeah. And that’s why I understand—making the effort takes breathing room. It’s okay to look away every now and then. The view you catch along the way to your goal isn’t necessarily a bad one."
Kaburagi-san said that as he looked up at the stars scattered across the night sky.
He murmured, "The view here’s really nice," and took in not just the sky but the surroundings as well.
It felt like he was telling me to look around too, and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
"Kaburagi-san’s way too enlightened—feels like I’m close to total defeat."
"Nah, I used to think the same way too. That I had to carry it all by myself, that solving everything alone was the right way."
"You mean... you've changed?"
"Yeah. I realized things were different. Just having someone to support me—it made me realize how much that changes things. And at the same time, I was made to realize... I wasn’t alone."
"Umm... was that Kurusu-san?"
"...No comment."
Kaburagi-san’s cheeks flushed faintly red, and he stubbornly avoided looking in my direction.
I kept poking his face, trying to get him to look at me.
"Hehe. That pretty much confirms it, doesn’t it?"
"I-It could be anyone, okay? The point is, I’ve decided to move forward and face ahead."
"That’s nice~ So fresh and youthful."
"Shut up. Hinamori, just focus on not messing up your work."
"You saw that!?"
"...Ah, so I was right after all."
"Y-You tricked me! That’s not fair!"
"You're the one who fell for such an obvious trap, Hinamori."
"Ugh, seriously! Anyway, just like I said earlier, you're keeping me company for a good long while tonight!"
When I said that, Kaburagi-san gave a playful, almost childlike smile and replied, “Don’t fall asleep on me, alright?”
The voice I had been holding in all this time—disguised as complaints—spilled out little by little.
All the while, steam rose around us, curling up toward the night sky and vanishing one puff at a time.
I was more excited, in the truest sense, than I’d been in a long time, and Kaburagi-san teased me each time it showed.
But strangely, I didn’t hate it.
Instead, my heart felt lighter—and maybe, something warm had started to grow inside me.
I can’t say for sure what that something is.
But one thing is absolutely clear.
In this moment... I am not the "Hinamori Sakura" everyone expects me to be.
If I could make a wish, I’d wish for this moment to last forever... Just kidding.
With that thought, I continued enjoying my conversation with him.
What were you doing, I wonder?
"This is what you call a proper dogeza."
I kept my face pressed against the tatami, unable to lift my head in front of my sister.
"Well now, young man. Do you have anything to say in your defense?"
"…………"
With a throbbing vein on her forehead, Saya looked at us with a beaming smile.
A foot bath is warm and relaxing, right?
We got caught up talking and just kind of... drifted off...
"Good thing I found you... If someone else had seen you, it could’ve been a real mess."
"Ahaha… you really saved us."
"Well, what’s done is done. Just be more careful next time.
(I was worried when you didn’t come back, you know...)"
She placed her hand on my head and roughly tousled my hair.
"So, was Kurusu okay?"
"We promised to go together again."
"I see… that’s good. If you need a car, I’ll drive."
"At least make sure your driving skills are up to par."
"Just sleep in the car, okay? I’ll give you a lap pillow again."
"…That was an accident."
Still as mean-spirited as ever...
She’s grinning like crazy.
Always teasing me...
When I shot her a look of dissatisfaction, my sister messed up my hair again with her hand.
"So, have you made up your mind?"
Her tone suddenly turned serious as she looked at me, as if trying to read my expression.
I sat up properly and looked Saya straight in the face.
"I’ve decided to keep going, like I always have. That’s who I am, and if I can hear them, I want to do something about it."
"I see. If that’s your decision, then that’s fine. I’d still tell you not to overdo it, though."
"I’ll try not to. But… I’ve realized that everyone’s carrying something."
"Of course. There’s no one without worries—everyone’s got their share, big or small. You, being someone who can hear them, should know that best.
That’s why, when it gets too heavy, we lean on each other, share the load, ease the pain… and live on."
"Yeah. I get it now. It’s a blessing, really… to have someone there."
When I said that, Saya responded with her usual sharp tongue:
"Took you long enough."
But despite her rough words, the corners of her mouth lifted—she looked genuinely happy.
"I visited the grave for the first time."
"…I see. Thanks."
"Going there doesn’t mean I’m forgiven, but I think I’ll keep going.
At the very least, I want to make sure it’s kept clean."
"Geez. Like I said before, it’s not about being forgiven or not. It’s not your fault.
If anything, I’m the one to blame for not noticing."
"…………"
"You don’t need to beat yourself up. Just keep living, okay, young man? Life’s still long ahead of you."
With that, my sister flashed a big smile, stood up, and turned to leave.
At the doorway, she stopped and said:
"More importantly—do your best after this, okay?"
Then she walked out of the room.
After this…?
Is something coming up?
That question was answered soon enough.
A few minutes after Saya left, Rurina and Suzune returned to the room.
"Ritsu~? What were you doing tonight?"
(Sleeping in the bath is dangerous.
…Ritsu, are you really okay?)
"Uh, n-no, it’s not like I was doing anything shady—"
"Hmm? Reeeally…?
What were you doing with that cute attendant, hmm?
(Just wait till you spill everything about what happened with Sakura…)"
(...I wish I could’ve gone with Ritsu too...)
As the two closed in on me, I gave a strained smile.
It took quite a while to get Suzune to calm down... but thankfully, Rurina just genuinely wanted to hear what happened.
Like hell I know, you idiottttt!!
While at work.
Near the pond in the garden, I could hear the cheerful voices of guests with children.
I tried to focus on their voices, to forget the fluttering in my chest that had been with me since yesterday.
But then—
"There’s a koi over there!"
Koi... as in... love...? (T/N: "Love" or "affection" are other possible meanings for koi.)
"Heyyy! Come over here, koi~!"
Come over here... love...?
"You really like them, huh?"
Like!?
Aaaah, I can’t take it~!
I slapped my cheeks, trying to exorcise these worldly desires.
But ever since I spent time with Kaburagi-san yesterday, I can’t stop thinking about him.
I might be doing my job, but my heart is completely elsewhere.
How did things end up like this just from talking to him!?
Was it because we spent the night together?
Because I opened up for the first time and shared what was in my heart?
Or maybe... I just got swept up in the atmosphere?
...Could this be love?
Ugh, geez! I don’t understand at all!
With my thoughts spinning in circles like that, before I knew it, night had fallen again.
"At times like this, a foot bath is the answer! That’s the best remedy."
With that in mind, I started heading for the foot bath.
But... my feet stopped moving.
"If I run into him again like yesterday... I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my cool—"
Muttering that to myself, I gave up and decided to take a walk instead.
Wearing a yukata, I walked a lap around the inn.
The night breeze brushing against my flushed body felt even more pleasant than usual.
As I was enjoying that peaceful night...
"Why are you here, Kaburagi-san?"
"That’s my line."
—A totally unexpected encounter.
With no graceful way to turn and run, I stood there frozen. Kaburagi-san, in his usual tone, said:
"Well, shall we walk?"
He didn’t seem to be dwelling on what happened yesterday at all—just completely natural.
...Am I the only one feeling self-conscious here?
That carefree attitude of his really gets under my skin.
Fine then. If he’s not thinking anything of it, I’ll just act the same.
I took a deep breath, steadied myself, and looked at him.
His well-proportioned features… his gentle eyes…
Even his body looked subtly trained… he's really handsome.
"Wait, what am I thinking!?"
"H-Hey, what’s with you all of a sudden?"
"Nyanthing at all."
"Did you just turn into a cat...?"
...This isn’t working.
No matter how hard I try to play it cool, I just can’t pull it off.
The more I talk, the more likely I am to slip up.
Calm down… I have to calm down...
"Ahem… Kaburagi-san, are you out for a walk?"
"Yeah. The foot bath was nice, but tonight I felt like walking. You too, Hinamori?"
"Y-Yes, something like that…"
Kaburagi-san looked at me with a worried expression.
…This never happened before, so why now?
...But the more I look at him, the more my heart races.
No matter how hard I try to think of something else, all that comes to mind is Kaburagi-san.
It’s just like… I’m in love.
After what I said yesterday, this feels like some kind of two-panel punchline!
...No. This definitely isn’t love.
"Talking like that... it almost sounds like you’re in love, you know?"
Kaburagi-san teased me with a grin.
Eh… How can he tell that much?
He hit the mark so cleanly—it felt as though he had seen straight into my heart… like he completely understood me.
It was embarrassing, yes… but even more than that, I was happy—happy to have finally found someone who might truly understand me.
"Kaburagi-san… could it be that I—"
Just as I began to speak, Kaburagi-san suddenly grabbed my shoulders firmly, a look of urgency on his face.
"Listen, Hinamori. Feelings… they're prone to misunderstanding."
"…Misunderstanding?"
"The emotion we call love—it's a primal instinct. It stems from a sexual desire to pass on our genes. But reason is what suppresses those instincts—it’s something we can control."
"What kind of logic is that…"
"Emotions can flare up easily—they erupt like volcanoes. But they also eventually die down."
"Die down…? You mean, they're only temporary?"
"Exactly. Remember what I said yesterday? Emotions don’t last forever. Like fire, they can be snuffed out by the slightest breeze. That’s why, if you take a step back and think clearly, you’ll calm down too."
"……"
"Sure, running into me again by coincidence might’ve been a surprise. And you’ve never opened up like that before, so it probably left you feeling more self-conscious than usual. The racing heart and tension from that first-time experience… it’s easy to mistake that for love."
Kaburagi-san’s words and actions somehow felt unusually desperate.
He probably has someone else—and thought it’d be bad if things went any further between us.
…Honestly, I don’t want any drama either.
I understand that avoiding trouble is the right thing to do.
But──
"What’s so wrong about me liking you?"
I looked Kaburagi-san straight in the eye as I spoke.
These feelings are mine alone.
Even if you try to brush them off as just a misunderstanding, I will never let you deny them.
Fine then—if you won’t acknowledge it, I will.
If you reject it, I’ll affirm it all the more.
"Hinamori… there’s no need to rush. Let’s just take more time to talk—"
"We’ve had plenty of chances to talk, haven’t we?"
"I mean chances to talk honestly. Without that, misunderstandings happen. Besides, I have a girlfriend. So something like this…"
"You do have a girlfriend, don’t you?"
Kaburagi-san’s face darkened awkwardly.
Even with my head clouded by emotion, I could still tell he was just trying to brush past the situation somehow.
A girlfriend… huh.
That sort of thing—
"LIKE I CARE, DAMN IIIIIT—!!" (T/N: Dem)
The dirtiest words I’ve ever said in my life just came out of my mouth.
Kaburagi-san stared at me in shock, eyes wide and frozen in place.
I grabbed his shirt, leaned in close, and pressed my lips against his. (T/N: Woah)
"I’m not letting this end as some misunderstanding! Even if it’s just a fleeting moment, there’s no lie in how I feel right now!"
Instinct? Lust?
So what?
What’s wrong with giving in to a momentary emotion, letting yourself be swept away?
Just this once, I’ll break my own principles.
Because girls are sly creatures, aren’t we?
Love is freedom!
"W-what… you…?"
"Fufu. Lost your cool, haven’t you?"
I’ve never seen Kaburagi-san blush so hard before.
Ahh, my face is burning too. But I feel strangely refreshed.
This fight between us isn’t over.
It’s still going on.
They say the one who falls in love loses? That the person who likes the other more is at a disadvantage?
No, that’s not it.
It’s the one who gives up who loses.
Words like “it’s over”—those are for the very last breath you take before you die.
That’s why I’m declaring this to him:
I won’t let him misunderstand. I won’t give him any room to twist things around.
I’ll just tell him exactly how I feel, straight from the heart.
"I’m the kind of person who doesn’t give up on what I want. I don’t care if you have a girlfriend. I’m going to win. I’m not letting go."
Once the river starts to flow, you can’t stop it.
But that’s fine.
I have no intention of letting go of the first person who’s ever truly understood me.
That’s why—
"…!?!?"
I’m not letting this be dismissed as an accidental kiss.
I kissed him again—then wrapped my arms around him. (T/N: She’s Winning)
"Fufu. You’re not getting out of this. I win."
"Hinamori…"
"You didn’t expect me to do it again, did you? This is how I feel."
Walking past the stunned Kaburagi-san, I glance back over my shoulder and smile.
"Well then, I’ll head back first. Let’s talk again soon."
I kissed him! I went that far!
My heart feels all warm and fuzzy.
Fufu. So this is what it means to like someone.
As I returned to work, my body felt lighter than usual—like I was overflowing with energy.
Chapter 5 END
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